The older I get, the more respect I gain for my parents. I’ve seen how awful it is when people you love fight. And I’m learning the art of navigating the minefield of work demands and adulthood. That’s not to say I don’t occasionally call my dad, crying, though. Because I did….last week And when he asked what was wrong, all I could whimper was: “I-I… don’t waaaaaaant to be……poooor (This, coming from the same girl who proclaims: I’m going to have a career I love, and just be a poor nomad).
And so in the midst of my bi-weekly meltdown, I realized what I was really struggling with (again). It was loneliness. But the more I sat with that uncomfortable feeling, the more I realized that it’s not just loneliness. It’s the feeling of abandonment.
I know I’m not alone when I say that I long for someone to come fight for me. All around the world, people are aching for connection. And behind every broken relationship; addiction; and act of isolation, is the fear that we are all alone. Abandoned.
Now, this fear of abandonment is a direct result of the Fall, but the desire for a savior isn’t. No, we were created with that yearning. It is a yearning for the Savior. The Rescuer. We were created for Him. If you’re anything like me though, you often shut out that yearning. I mean, school and work and family, they pull at us from every direction. To be stressed is to be human, so it appears. So we rush through, checking off bucket lists and grocery lists, to-do lists and to-watch lists. And before we know it: We’re surrounded by a group of people, but we feel so alone.
That’s about how my week went. And towards the end of it- but before my little cryfest- I realized that I was feeling alone and abandoned not because I didn’t have any friends around, but because I just needed Jesus. I needed Jesus like when you need a big gulp of water on a hot day, like finding your car keys when you’re running late. Only, multiply those by 1,000.
The temptation is to pacify the yearning with the things of this world with romance or friends or just about anything we can get our hands on. It’s a deep issue, far too deep for a simple blog post. My point then, is this: We must learn to acknowledge our yearning. As Christians, we need to pay careful attention to why we’re doing (or not doing) things. We need to gauge our lonely level. Because the longer we go with untouched feelings of abandonment, the more likely they are to leak out like the Midas touch into every area of our lives.
So we take a break from the lists. We sit and we listen to God. Really listen. We come to Him without an agenda, carrying only a broken heart that needs Daddy. Sometimes, it doesn’t even seem like anything is wrong when we are overcome with this ache. That’s normal, normal for a child of Christ living in a broken world. But when we come to Him, He fills the yearning like nothing else can. And this is how loneliness is quenched, how abandonment is healed. Bad days melt into peaceful nights and we feel a sense of belonging that this world lacks. So my friend, if you are feeling that ache tonight, close your eyes and picture the Father’s arms wrapping around you. Let your heart yearn for Him and let it be satisfied in Him alone.